mary herczog - you did it right
My friend Mary Herczog died on Tuesday. She had breast cancer and had been fending it off for 12 years. She was 45.
We were never super close, but we were always happy to run into each other at a party or around the neighborhood. She had a way of being inclusive and intimate in even the most chaotic social setting that put everyone at ease. Most of the time she seemed much more interested in other people than talking about her sickness. You could often sense when she was tired and struggling, but she wanted to get the most out of every moment and was willing to be uncomfortable for the experience.We had been trading emails in December about getting together with her and her husband Steve and I sure wish that had worked out.
Mary became important to me over 20 years ago when a bunch of us ran the college radio station at UCLA. She knew tons about music and more about life than any other college student I knew. When Russell and I first started “dating,” Mary ordered me into the women’s clinic where she worked and got me started on the pill. I was super uncomfortable with the process, but she managed to make it fun and easy. She also slipped me sample packets and joked that a couple of abortions a year would be cheaper than actually paying for birth control.
Yes, Mary was fucked up in the very best way.
It didn’t surprise me when Mary started a blog called Cancer Chick when she was diagnosed, and that it was brutally honest and hilarious. She’s always been a great writer and brought perspective and humor to an often grim situation. This is from her post a little over a month ago when she knew that her struggle was ending:
Actually, O Best Beloveds, it is hard to be dramatic or woebegone when you are eating a chocolate chip cookie from a dear friend’s bakery. Seriously. Try it some time. So maybe that’s why this email is more flip than I imagined it would be, which might be a good thing.
Dr. Waisman said that, barring some kind of chemo that wouldn’t do much except make me feel really sick, there is no more treatment that would be effective. What’s more, my liver is much extended (I look pregnant, which is so very unfair), and cancer is affecting my lungs (more on disgusting adventures with fluid later), so matters are progressing, and fast at that.
In short, my goose, she is cooked.
So, the questions:
WHAT THE FUCK? Legitimate, but let’s face it, we all got complacent the last 12 years.
Man, I hope I have the guts and grace to face my end like Mary did. I’m sure it helped that she she was so well loved, but still.
Mary did did a lot of other amazing things with her life that you can read about in her LA Times obituary.
I am newly inspired to not waste time on stupid shit.
The great photo of Mary above was taken by Beatrice de Gea
