people are nervous and kind of dumb

One of my favorite blogs these days is Liz Danzico’s Bobulate. Liz is “an independent information architecture and user experience consultant”, and though I don’t know her at all, she is my imaginary/internet friend who is incredibly gifted with language and ideas. I am a bit wary about mentioning the site as I am so in awe of her writing and know mine pales in comparison. Liz’ post about holiday goodbyes from last week really stuck with me. An excerpt:

When leaving, we layer on the parting words, repeating ourselves again and again, only punctuating farewell with a “goodbye” when there’s nothing left to say. In an informal study of these encounters (in one culture anyway), I’ve noted we seem to be guilty of the double, triple, quadruple, and quintuple+ goodbye.

The traditional exchange goes something like:

P1: Bye, and thanks for having me.
P2: Thanks for coming.
P1: See you again soon, I hope.
P2: Absolutely, hope to see you over the holidays.
P1: OK, take care then, and thanks.
P2: Yes, take care.
P1: Hope to see you over the holidays!
P2: Yeah, see you soon. Definitely. Count on it.
P1: OK, thanks again. Bye.
P2: Goodbye. Thanks again for coming.

…And somehow this all reminded me of the best essay in the newish Chuck Klosterman book “Eating the Dinosaur” where he discusses the laugh track in American TV and how Americans use laughter as a conversational crutch. Apparently, Europeans don’t do this.

Here’s Klosterman talking about this phenomenon in the Wall Street Journal:

In the U.S., when you’re making small talk with someone and they say something like, “I just moved here from Denver. It’s really confusing to get around,” you go, ‘ha ha’ and they laugh back. Much the way a laugh tracks function in television shows, it’s this fake laughter we use in conversation. In Germany, no one does that. If you make someone laugh in Germany, they think it’s funny. I’ve been back for over a year now and been desensitized to it. But for the first six months I was back, I really noticed it. You go to a bank and see it all the time, the smiling and laughing. What’s happening at a bank that’s funny? Nothing.

I’ve become hyper-aware of EVERYONE doing this since I read Klosterman’s book. I do it and I want to stop, but I think I will seem like a mirthless asshole. I’ll probably continue to do the repeated goodbye thing as well.

I’m doing my best to get along with humans, but it isn’t easy.